Red Ink
by Sammia Took
Summary: Pippin contemplates one night during Lothlorien about what he means to the Fellowship. Depressed, he is led to do something terrible. *sniffle* Very sad fic. Please read and review!


(DISCLAIMER- I don't own LOTR. Do I look like I own LOTR? All I own is a computer and a copy of FoTR. 'When the Lights go down' belongs to the greatest female country artist, Faith Hill.)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Red Ink.  
  
  
  
Pippin Angst.  
  
  
  
Sammy Took  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
As I lie here, in the beautiful serenity of Lothlorien, I contemplate. Rather, I wonder, as I'm sure there would be more then one person in this world saying that silly Peregrin Took would not be able to contemplate.  
  
But that's just it. That's me. Young, foolish Peregrin Took. The hobbit that tagged along with his older cousin most of his life. To fit in, he became troublesome and hilarious, to make people laugh. Silly little Peregrin Took that followed his older cousins, Merry and Frodo on one of the most dangerous quests anyone in Middle Earth would have to face.  
  
And what use was of he? None at all, I'm sure. I'm just a piece of extra baggage, just someone coming along for the ride. I scowled angrily as I looked up into the boughs of the trees, thinking how foolish I was to join the quest. Why I was nothing but a nuisance.  
  
[When the lights go down  
  
He'll be fillin' a pan with a broom in his hand  
  
In some dive across town  
  
He'll be wipin' the bar, and moppin' the floor  
  
Countin' his tips and lockin' the doors  
  
Restlin' with the devil that tells him to pour another round]  
  
What could I do, to affect anything? In fact, I'd been told that I should have stayed home. Not verbally of course, yet I could see it. I could see it whenever I made a minor error.  
  
When ever I caused something dreadful to happen. I could tell from the looks on their faces. On Frodo's, Boromir's, Gandalf's, and even Merry's faces. Like in Moria.  
  
I could still recall how idiotically I tossed a stone down the well in Moria. Why'd I even do it? I knew that there was danger there, yet I went ahead, alerting all in there of our presence. Because of that, Gandalf was doomed to fall against the Balrog upon the Bridge of Khaza-dum.  
  
'They know it's my fault. They know I know it's my own fault.'  
  
[When the lights go down  
  
She'll be callin' her friends from the Mercedes Benz  
  
But it's too late now  
  
They were there for the fame, the flash and thrill  
  
The drop of the name, the parties, and the pills  
  
So another star falls from the Hollywood hills  
  
Without a sound]  
  
Sighing deeply, I sat and drew my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly, from the cold that plagued my mind.  
  
My eyes fell upon the sleeping forms of remaining members of this fellowship. All asleep and peaceful. My eyes see Frodo, his face in a contortion of worry and despair. Beside him, his ever faithful companion Sam. More helpful then I could ever be to Merry. Merry. I glance upon my cousin, his sandy hair a muss on his head. He's sleeping, and I can see him breathing in and out.  
  
What if I alert trouble yet again, and this time something happens to Merry? What then would I be able to do? How could I help then?  
  
That worries me. It makes me think that maybe my being in this fellowship can cause death. Deaths of people. People I love. It scares me.  
  
[When the lights go down  
  
And there's nothing left to be  
  
When the lights go down  
  
And the truth is all you see  
  
When you feel that hole  
  
Inside your soul  
  
Wonder what you're made of  
  
Well we all find out  
  
When the lights go down]  
  
I stand shakily, pulling my worn burgundy cloak round my shoulders. Stepping silently out of the sheltered area, I begin to walk among the golden trees of Lothlorien.  
  
As I walk among them, my hands trail along the smooth trunks of the tree bark. At that time, a thought occurs to me. A memory actually, of only five years ago.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Pippin smiled happily. It was his 24th birthday, and he was having one of the best ones yet. His cousins Merry, and Frodo were there. Gandalf was even there. His father, Paladin had gotten half of the Shire to come. It was a great party, and Pippin was admist it all.  
  
"Having fun, Pip?"  
  
Pippin turned around to see his cousin Frodo smiling at him. Pippin always had admired Frodo, as he was much older then him, and always seemed wiser beyond his years. Pippin nodded and Frodo patted his shoulder.  
  
"Well, before you know it, you'll be becoming of age. Now that shall be a party if it's anything like this!"  
  
Pippin smiled as Frodo went off to talk to one of his other cousins. His favorite thing he had gotten was from his cousin and his best friend, Merry. Merry had been his friend for as long as he could remember, and stuck by him. Pippin was just happy that Merry was able to give him the gift of friendship for all these years.  
  
Getting up from his seat, Pippin took a swig of ale as he began to walk over to some hobbit lasses, which included Diamond of Long Cleeve, Rosie Cotton, and Estella Bolger. He winked at them and they burst out laughing.  
  
Walking over to them, he began to strike up conversation, as a loud noise was heard. Pippin turned around to see a very upset and angry Merry Brandybuck. Startled, Pippin smiled, unsure of himself as Merry came up to him.  
  
"Hullo Merry! Nice to see you! Have you seen any of the fireworks Gandalf has set off?" Merry grabbed his cousin's shoulder and looked at him straight in the eye.  
  
"Did you use that ink that I had beside my bed?" Merry demanded as he looked at his cousin fiercely. "Did you?"  
  
Pippin looked at his cousin startled. "Yes, Merry. I needed some more ink and your mum said I could borrow some from you.I'm awfully sorry but I used it all on my invitations. But I can by you some new ink in Hobbiton tomorrow,"  
  
Merry's eyes widened and he looked at Pippin angrily.  
  
Pippin glanced nervously at the hobbits that were starting to watch them.  
  
[When the lights go down  
  
At the end of the day  
  
With this game that I play  
  
Has gone another round  
  
As I lay there alone in this big empty bed  
  
Nothing but thoughts of you in my head  
  
I think of the things that I wish I had said  
  
When you were still around]  
  
"No problem, right Merry? Hey, we could even stop by the Green Dragon on our way there,"  
  
Merry looked at him and shook his head. "How could you Pip? How could you? You know that I had special ink from Rohan, given to me by my da! How could you be so careless and take that from me!"  
  
Pippin bit his lip, realizing his mistake. " I'm sorry, Mer,"  
  
"Sorry won't cut it, Pip! It can't cut it! You've done this before, and now when something really mattered to me, you ruined it! You always ruin things! But now you've really taken the cake! Thanks a lot Pip! I hope you had a nice birthday!"  
  
Merry shouted angrily at Pippin and stormed out of the crowd of hobbits that had began to gather around the two. Frodo cast a sympathetic glance at his younger cousin, as slowly the crowd began to disperse.  
  
That night, Pippin cut his wrist with the Old Took's sword. No one ever noticed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
[When the lights go down  
  
And there's nothing left to be  
  
When the lights go down  
  
And the truth is all you see  
  
And I wonder if all my life's about  
  
The sum of all my fears and all my doubts  
  
Yeah, when the lights go down]  
  
The ink, I think as I slump against a tree. I feel defeated, worthless, and of the most unimportant creature in this world. If only, I could escape.  
  
My eyes slide to the sword at my waist. Then, I finally am able to see a way out. With in moments, I am sliding the sharp silver blade against my pale white complexion. Crisp red blood flows out into tiny rivers on my arm. I feel the pain and guilt in my heart release as I cut against my skin again.  
  
And now, as I lay, there are slashes all up and down my arms, rivers of blood creating ponds and oceans of their own.  
  
A golden sun rises behind the trees, reminding me of the Shire, my home. As I lay in these fleeting moments, I think. I love you all. I love you Frodo and Sam. I especially love you Merry Brandybuck, one of my closet friends.  
  
[When the lights go down  
  
When there's nothing left to be  
  
When the lights go down  
  
And the truth is all you see  
  
When you feel that hole  
  
Inside your soul  
  
Wonder what your made of  
  
Well we all find out  
  
When the lights go down]  
  
Time passes by, and I now can feel my death oncoming to me. In the back of my mind, I can hear voices calling my name, though it may be a figment of my imagination. Suddenly, through my blurry eyes, faces appear. I see Legolas, looking shocked and worried, calling out to someone. And then I see Gimli and Aragorn, fear in their eyes as they speak silent words too. Boromir's face appears, as tears fall down his otherwise manly face. Then Sam and Frodo appear, sadness flowing from their faces. Finally, I see Merry's face, drenched with tears. He's crying and speaking, speaking to someone.  
  
As I feel the last of life creep from my body, my last thought whispers and vanishes forever.  
  
[Oooo, when the lights go down]  
  
'Here it is, Merry. Here's your red ink.'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N- Well. That was an extremely depressing piece. Well I mainly was feeling that kind of way, so I showed it through my favorite character. It's kind of bad, but it was just a spur of the moment thing I wrote. I wrote this staring at my Merry and Pippin valentine, and listening to Faith Hill's Cry and When the Lights go down. And I'm crying. I love Pippin. Read and Review!!! 


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